10 of my favourite things

Well, over the last 9 days I have shared some of things that I love about knowing the principles behind life.

For the last of my 10, I’m actually going to share what I hate about it!!!

One of the main things that you will hear majority of principle people sharing is that circumstance never cause us to feel anything, our thoughts do. And we really mean this, 100% of the time, no matter how much it looks like someone, or something, outside of us caused us to feel a certain way.

And sometimes, I really hate that!

Why?

Well, it looks like this to me;

When I first started to see trough the illusion of thought, it was like a weight lifted, I didn’t have to believe my thought, I could allow them to pass and feel something different. Every moment offered me an opportunity to think and feel differently. It was like a long, hot, luxurious bath after a hard day – heaven.

Then came my first big, post-insight, thought storm. And…oh…. my….gosh! It hit me like a train.

Someone had really pissed me off. How could any of this principle nonsense make any sense? What an absolute crock of shit!

But slowly, I started to see that even this was thought and the clouds started to clear.

Bit by bit, a voice in my head grew louder during thought storms, reminding me that thoughts pass. And before long, I found I couldn’t really take thought storms quite so seriously any more.

And sometimes I really hate that! When I am in a mood and really want to blame someone or something for it, it is so frustrating that I just can’t take that seriously. That I kinda know, beneath the crap, where my feelings are coming from. Ahhhhh, but I really wanna blame someone else, just this once I want them to be at fault and the cause of my annoyance…. Please?

The principles stand steadfastly refusing to do anything differently and yet again, I see that my feelings come from my thinking in the moment.

In the knowing of this lies our freedom.

(In case you didn’t spot it, it’s actually one of the things I love really, that freedom of knowing where my experience comes from makes my life a much lighter, and more fun, experience)

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It’s innate, so why talk about it?

I really love knowing that everything I share in my blog, and in conversations with others, this understanding that I call the principles, is innate.

It’s inbuilt – fitted as standard as I said in an earlier blog.

It means that it is never on my shoulders whether someone hears something in what I share. It isn’t even on my shoulders whether I see it or not. Because I am always OK – even when I don’t know I am OK!

Which begs the question, why share this at all? If everyone is OK, underneath their thinking, why do I write a blog to remind myself (and anyone else who reads it!)?
Why am I working in a business where our main aim is to share this as far and wide as we can?
Why do I regularly have conversations with people who also share this understanding?

If this is innate, surely, I just needed to be reminded about it, then go on my merry way.

Well, of course, if that made sense to me, I would have done that. And equally, if that makes sense to another then that is perfect.

For me, what I have seen is that because this is innate, I never needed to be reminded that I am OK beneath whatever thinking I’m having that says different. But what an amazing gift that I have been!

And what I have seen in other people is how much of a difference it can make in their day-to-day human life.

Whether we ever hear this conversation or not, doesn’t change the essence of who we are. The unbreakable truth of our spiritual nature; undamaged; unbroken; perfectly whole and complete. Even if we never know that is true of ourselves, it still is!

And then what makes sense for me, right now, is to keep coming back to this conversation because somehow my life feels richer for it. And I like that. I like the human experience I have labelled “Beccy” and I like the feelings that I associate with talking, and walking, this talk. I enjoy having preferences in my life, like the colour blue and being a reader and making spreadsheets and enjoying walks by the sea.

I am eternally grateful that I know that if any of those things couldn’t be a part of my “Beccy” experience, whatever thoughts and feelings I had about that, underneath that I am perfectly OK.

That is why I stay in this conversation, why it makes sense to be to be reminded where my OK-ness comes from and why I have so much fun sharing it with anyone who will listen (and maybe some who don’t! 😉)

Separate realities

Have you ever noticed that sometimes other people have some really strange ideas, behaviours or thoughts?

Have you tried to argue until you are blue in the face that your point of view, idea or behaviour is perfectly normal and you cannot understand why the other person cant see it?

Before I first understood how life really works I often got extremely wound up when other people behaved in a way that I couldn’t fathom.

One of the first things that Deb shared with me in this conversation was how every single human being lives in a separate reality.

What I mean by this is, even when two (or more) people appear to be having the same experience – shared childhoods, witness to the same accident, sharing a meal over the same dinner table or any other experience – their reality will be different.

Stop and reflect for a moment what that really means. The implications of really seeing that.
It explains why children raised in the same environment can grow into entirely different adults, why police have such issues with witness reports, why one person might really enjoy a family meal and another can be sitting through a torturous family event.

It also explains why you can be absolutely sure of something and be trying your level best to explain why someone else is entirely wrong and getting no where with your explanation. You have two entirely different realities at play. And we often don’t even realise that is what is happening. We think we can logically explain our viewpoint and be understood. And sometimes we can. The magic of being human is that we always have the ability to see something in a new way.

And when we start to realise that each of us is living in our reality, doing, saying and behaving in ways that make sense to us with the reality that is ours, it allows us to be more compassionate when someone is in their reality and doing something we might not be able to understand logically.

We can see that, with their thinking and their reality, we would behave in the same way. And knowing this levels the playing field. We all operate on the same system – we are all ice cream with different flavours (realities). The more we see the truth of this the easier it is to connect with other people on a level beyond our personal thinking and realities.

And isn’t that what we all want? Connection, compassion, understanding and love!

Fitted as standard!

Here is a list of places I think my security comes from

  • Relationships; someone loving me
  • Money
  • A good job
  • A nice house
  • My family
  • Close friendships
  • How I look

I am sure you have some of your own.

I was on a webinar earlier this evening, and we were talking about money and how much is enough. I am sure we all have a number in our heads as to how much money we need in our banks to feel secure. Mine is £3mil – I can’t even explain why. I just have a connection in my head that says “that number would equal security”

And of course, if I feel secure, I will feel happy. I will feel OK and comfortable and safe to live my life.

Well, here’s the thing. You know how sometimes you might go out to buy a car (I am not sure why cars seem to make such a regular appearance as metaphors in my conversations, but they seem to fit so many scenarios!) and while looking at one or two cars that you particularly like, a salesperson might say something along the lines of
“this or that comes fitted as standard”

And boy do we like something that comes fitted as standard! It sounds amazing right? I mean, this nice salesperson wants me to have this or that as part of the car, no extra expense to me, thrown right in as part of the package. Can life get much better than something fitted as standard? Really?

So, here comes my sales pitch:
“Your security comes fitted as standard. Your OK-ness is built in. Your happiness is part of the package.”

We don’t have to ‘pay extra’ for those things. OK, my metaphor starts to lose its fun now but my point is this…
Those things listed above do not give me security. The £3mil I have in my head isn’t where my security will come from. Whichever things you thought of when you got to the end of my list, aren’t where security is at.

We make connections between stuff outside of us and feeling happy and secure. And those connections are totally made up.
Happiness and security are fitted as standard….. we arrived in this experience, as human beings, Whole and Complete – the full package – nothing lacking.
Then we have a thought, perhaps telling us we lack something, and believe it to be true.

Whatever we believe to be true, in any given moment is going to be the driver to actions that we take. If we believe that our security comes from something outside of us, we are going to go searching, desperately seeking and hunting that thing down. And then doing everything we think we can to make sure it doesn’t go anywhere.

But as we start to see and know that security is already ours, our actions change to reflect that knowing.
If you didn’t have the thought telling you that something outside of you needs to be different, would you feel secure and happy?
I invite you to get curious and see if you can where security comes from for you.

 

Resistance is futile!

Have you ever heard the saying “What we resist persists”? It’s possible I have even quoted it on this blog before now.
My translation, for my simpler mind, is this:

What we focus our awareness on is what we experience.

In other words, thought (via consciousness – or awareness) creates our experience.

Have you ever noticed that once something piques your interest, you see it everywhere? Like, when I was buying my car – I was in the market for a Peugeot 107 – and suddenly every time I stepped out of the house, got on the bus, went to the shops and so on, I saw one on the roads.
My awareness was focused on this particular car and it seemed as though there were more 107’s than previously.

In order to resist something we have to bring our awareness to it or, in other words, think about it.

The most ‘famous’ of examples here is the example of the pink elephant.  Heard it before?
Don’t think of a pink elephant. In order to not think of, that is resist, a pink elephant we first have to think of it and then dismiss it.

When we see that thought creates our experience, it makes total sense that anything we are trying to ignore, push away or resist, we are simply bringing more into our awareness.
And once something is in our awareness, we think about it and we experience that thinking.

So, you see, resistance of anything – illness, bad feelings and even circumstances we don’t like – is futile!

How then do we dispel our life of the things we dislike? Well, in short, we don’t. Beyond understanding where our experience is coming from, there is nothing we need to do. Thoughts, by their very nature, pass and thus a new experience is available. By being aware that resistance is futile, somehow we find ourselves less resistant to what is, and our experience feels lighter. And from here, if there is something you want to do – you will likely find yourself doing it – from a clear, resistance-free head-space.

Insight

Insight is a really lovely word for new thought. I often label a new thought as insight, when the thought relates to an area of my life I have been struggling with.

It is my understanding that we, as humans, are wired for new thought – even around things we have been struggling with for a long (long!) time.

I have seen numerous times that it happens like this for me… I am struggling, fighting against the thoughts I am having about something, and then – BAM – like a cartoon comic strip moment, a new thought appears in my head. A new way to see things, an idea I hadn’t had previously that resolves something.

Other times, it creeps in silent, unannounced, without pomp and ceremony. One day, I just reflect on an area of my life and notice that I don’t see things that way anymore or I feel less anxious about an experience than I used to.

The result of insight – new thought – can feel magical, like a weight lifted from heavy shoulders.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes insight comes at the most perfect moments and other times it doesn’t seem to appear when we feel we need it most.

It doesn’t look as though we have huge amounts of control over when insight will appear. We can feel we are in need of new thought about something for an exceptionally long time and nothing is forthcoming.

And other times it can appear within seconds of contemplating something in your mind.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if insight came when we demanded it, clicked our fingers and there it is, rubbed the genie lamp and in a puff of smoke the insight you are looking for is yours.

Well, for me, I think it helps to remember that I know something new exactly when I need to. In the same way a sat-nav delivers the next instruction when I’m driving, not too far ahead of time but just when it is required, insight comes precisely when we need it too.

Not my timescales necessarily, but when I actually need to see something differently insight arrives and we are wired for insight – how amazing is that?!

Incomplete equation

Another of my favourite things (there are a few – perhaps I should write a song) is the incomplete equation.

We so often have it made up in our heads how things are going to go, we make our plan and take lots of steps to put our plan into place. We have a picture of exactly how it should work out and we work ourselves really hard ensuring that it goes our way.

Yet, there are so many elements along the way that we are unable to factor in, that make our equation incomplete at the beginning of a plan, or at the start of any big ‘chapter’ in our lives.

When we show up in life, playfully and open to what comes, the universe meets us with what we need.  I made some scientific calculations (I didn’t really, but it sounds good) and have worked out that, when this happens, our contribution is about 3% and the universe does the rest.

I don’t know how this works, I just know that it does. I have seen it so many times.

We organised a conference back in September, and are planning to do another one in November this year. When we first started talking about a conference and initially booked the venue, we didn’t know 4 of the people who came as our speakers.

During the first conversations we had about what the conference looked like for us, those people just weren’t factored in – we had an incomplete equation.

But we continued to show up, making steps in the direction of a conference and the universe unfolded things for us, things we would never have put into place had it been entirely on our shoulders! I am really interested to see what happens in November, if anything! And the universe unfolds for us.

I often reflect on what needed to happen in order for just one portion of my life to have been what it was. When I reflect on just some of the things that have made up my life so far, the people who I have crossed paths with, he jobs I have had, the places I’ve been to – there is a massive amount of those things that I would never have factored in when making my life plans. My equation is always incomplete at my starting position.

See, we just don’t know what is going to unfold, we like to think we do – and maybe my calculations are wrong and our contribution makes up far less of the final picture – but one thing I am sure of is that we believe we play a far bigger part than we do and when we see the universe doing its part amazing and unexpected things happen!