Day 81

Today is Day 81 of the Warrior’s Journey – only 9 days left. And I feel as though I haven’t had what I was anticipating. What is that?

For a few months before the Warrior’s Journey started we (Deb, Lu and I) were having lots of conversations about what we see now, what has changed for us in recent years, how helpful and life-changing the Warrior’s journey was. As we came closer to re-launching I was extremely excited, revved up and ‘knew’ what to expect.

It’s been different for me this time. I could list all the ways it hasn’t been the same – but I wont!
Over the last few months, with the Warrior emails being the start of my day, I have seen changes in myself. If I were to measure against previous changes or insights, maybe they wouldn’t stack up. But no-one has invented an ‘insight measuring stick’ yet (that I know of!).

And yet, the quiet, seemingly less significant, changes are possibly far bigger for me. I feel more balanced perhaps. Less ‘evangelical’ and yet more passionate about what I share. Quietly more confident in turning up, sharing and generally being me.

I used to have a story that said I had to be as good as ‘INSERT NAME HERE’ before I could share, run workshops, speak at a conference, see clients. That story has vanished. I just share. When I am called to, wherever I am and whoever is in front of me.

Being back in the conversation, in a really gentle way – starting the day the Warrior Way – may not have given me what I anticipated, wanted, expected even.

But I reckon I got what I needed and there are still 9 days to go!

My Plea to You

Whoever you are. Whatever profession you do. Whichever people you connect most with. No matter your ethnic origin, sexual orientation, religious commitment, star sign, hair colour, eye colour, height or any other identifying factor humans use to separate themselves out…….

This is my plea to you….

Turn up in life and share from your heart.

More truth will be spoken in a few heartfelt words than in all the eloquent, pre-designed speeches in the world.

Truth is within every one of us because we are the Magic of the universe.

Falling into trust and knowing that it isn’t on our shoulders to make people ‘get this’ or ‘see something’ or ‘use the right words’ will do more for you, others and the whole world than you can imagine.

Sharing what wisdom brings is perfect.

Any words will do because Truth – awareness, consciousness, energy, God – whatever you wish to call it, isn’t contained in the words, it is within us.

And a person who shares from the heart has the ability to resonate with a person listening from the heart. Because we are heart, we are love.

Love is our ‘siren’ song and we cannot help but move toward it when we hear it. No matter what words it comes wrapped up in.

Listen for your siren song. Sing along.

Trust me….

“Trust is not necessary when you don’t want or need anything. If you are wondering whether you can “trust” someone, look closely at what it is you think you need or want from them. When you need or want nothing, trust is not an issue. And, of course, there is nothing that you do need, from anybody, given Who and What You Are. You are an expression of Divinity Itself, and Divinity is your Source. Thinking that you “need” anything, given that this is so, would be nothing more than a misunderstanding”

Relationships, and particularly trust, seem to be a hot topic at the moment.

The above quote keeps coming back to me and so I thought I would share it and write my blog about it. Our Warrior email today was also about Trust and Security.

Given that we are Divinity itself, there is nothing we need to trust. Security is built into the expression of life that we are. What is it we need to trust? The more curious we are, the more we look ‘within’ for the answers about security and trust, the more we find the answers are always available.

When we are playing at being humans, we develop relationships and we hear a lot about needing to be able to trust people – our partner, our family, our colleagues, even the salesman before we buy a car.

What comes to me time and again is how unconnected the two things are:
Whether I trust someone and whether they behave in the way I think I need them to.

Have you noticed that?

I’m sure you can think of someone you have trusted who then went and did the exact thing you believed they shouldn’t. Equally, I am sure there are times when you have been untrusting of someone and it turned out they did something that appeared to be trustworthy behaviour.

The two things just aren’t connected. Whether we believe we can trust a person or not has no actual connection to their behaviour. Our behaviour, mine, yours and anyone else’s is determined by what thoughts we are believing to be true right now.

It only works one way – we will never behave in a way that differs to what thoughts and beliefs we hold to. And neither will anyone else.

For me, trust comes when I see this to be true, 100% of the time. When I explore and realise the truth of this, and that the nature of thought is that it will pass, I know I can have absolute trust in that. From there, I am able to trust in myself and how life works. I am able to connect with my innate wisdom.

From innate wisdom I know what the right thing for me is – whether to be in a relationship or not, whether to buy the car the salesman wants me to have or not, how to treat another human being and so on. Security and Trust are built into this system.
Explore for yourself…. Trust me (or don’t!)….you’ll see!

A week of two halves

Last week was a week of two halves.

This time last week, the first day of the London three principles conference had passed by in a blur and day 2 was well under way.

I volunteered at the conference and had the most fun selling books at the bookstall. I had three days of meeting new people, having lovely conversations with new and old friends as well as sitting in on some incredible sessions.

I was reminded again of the simplicity of how life works and the depths to which we can see that and how life changing that can be. From someone who had spent his whole life in and out of prison, to simply knowing how to turn up in everyday life and allow Mind (wisdom) to live through us.

I had some really fun moments (like being so desperate for a cup of tea at the end of the break that I had to lean over the bar to access the hot water tap – I checked for CCTV before I did it!!) to stealing Ian Watson’s hat for the perfect selfie 🙂

I really enjoyed being immersed in this conversation with 1000 others….. And I cannot wait to go again next year.

Last night, I arrived home from the Midlands as it was my Nan’s funeral on Friday.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday felt like strange days to me. I felt quite “off colour”. It was a most unusual experience. There were moments when I was in floods of tears, deeply saddened to know I will never hear my Nan saying any of her funny ‘nan-isms’ again. And moments where I felt deep gratitude that I had the privilege of such a funny Nan. As well as moments of laughter at some of her more ridiculous Nan moments.

Our Warrior challenge on Saturday was to look for Mind in life (or in my words, notice how life lives us). And I really saw that during the last week. I went from one of the highlights of my year to one of the saddest occasions. And throughout both I saw how life lives us.

I was far less afraid of the feelings I was experiencing. I wasn’t trying to ‘hold myself together’ – I was just able to allow myself to feel what I did. In both the joyous and sad moments.

For me, there is no stronger evidence of a wisdom that guides, Mind that lives us, than being able to live each moment no matter it holds. Of being able to turn up to every second of life with grace and peace.



I love life

“I would love to invite you to look for some of the amazing things life has done through you…”
Deb, Warrior’s Journey 2019

In the Warrior email this morning, Deb was reflecting on how different things look for her now and how far life has bought her. Then she, oh so casually, threw out the above invitation. It seemed only right then for me to share what I see has changed for me!

For anyone reading this who doesn’t know my ‘story’ – the person I used to be – I used to be afraid of life, worried about what other people thought of me, I made sure to dress right, speak right and behave correctly. I did all sorts of things to ensure people liked me, approved of me and loved me. I did all sorts of things when I worried that people didn’t like me.

I was horrible to the people around me and horrible to myself. I didn’t understand that I was creating my own mess.

How different the world looks to me now. How far life has bought me.

I see the world through entirely different eyes. I am not scared of life. I don’t seek for people’s approval (well, not very often!) like I used to. I treat myself and other people in a far kinder, more understanding way. I genuinely like myself and the people I am surrounded by. I am not afraid to spend time alone, with my own thoughts. I don’t limit myself the way I used to. I trust life is living through me and that I can be myself.

I have incredibly sweet relationships with my family, closest friends and my partner. I am not sure I can even put into words how different my relationships are.

When I set out to do something, I set out from peace and acceptance. Because I know that the deepest truth of who I am doesn’t change whether I ‘achieve’ or ‘fail’. I even know that these labels don’t matter.

I am open, honest and sharing. Rather than scared, dishonest and selfish.

I have so many moments of deep connection, gratitude and love. I have moments of fear, insecurity and pain. I am not afraid of these moments – whichever of the labels I use – in the way I used to be.

It looks like life has done some amazing things through me.

I am peace with myself and at peace with Life, God and the Universe.

How does your garden grow?

This week I created a garden.

Three weeks ago I had the idea to create a garden. I have lots of potted plants in my garden but no flower bed. I miss having a flower bed.

I loved watching how things unfolded as I stepped up to the game of life.

I found an area of the garden I thought might work but wasn’t sure if it was too dark and shady. I was discussing my ideas with the girls (Deb, Lu and Ju) and Ju had the idea to dig out some of the grass and bring the garden bed forward into the sunshine.

Loved it!

Over the next week or so work, combined with the weather, refused to allow me time to get going on digging out the space. Just as work slowed down the weather cleared up. And I was off. I dug out a small patch that looked like it would work.

Lucy and I were out shopping one afternoon and happened across some sweet little flowers and some fairy garden ornaments…. An idea was born – to use some of the space to re-create our, slightly neglected, fairy garden in the new flower bed.

A few days passed with weather that didn’t invite me to garden! During this time, it occurred to me to google what flowers did well in shady areas. Well, what do you know Geraniums and Begonia – two flowers I already had – would work well in the shadier space I was creating!

And finally, today, after a productive week in the office with little opportunity to be in the garden, I planned to finish all of my Friday tasks and get out in the garden this afternoon. The weather agreed! I spent a good ten minutes looking at the newly dug out space, the flowers, rocks and ornaments and waiting for inspiration to come.

It did…..

Wisdom advised me to use the shadier half to build a larger fairy garden with the new ornaments we had!
I used the sunnier half of the flower bed to plant the Geraniums, Begonias and Marigolds, placed some rocks in between and the ornaments all found homes. All I need now is some pebbles to scatter around for the fairy garden ornaments to live on 😊

I really noticed throughout the last few weeks how, having made the decision to play the game of life here, to create something, Life met with me and provided ideas, people for encouragement and unexpected ornaments and flowers!

Watch this space for garden updates….!


Faith, Hope and Love

Today is Day 60 on the Warriors Journey. There has been a pattern throughout the journey. We receive emails for 5 days with some thought-provoking content. Then we receive a challenge, something that calls on us to step up and take action. Then we have a day of rest, to reflect on what we are hearing, seeing and doing.

This has felt like a really great mix to me – something to read and reflect on, something to ‘do’ out in the world and then some space to allow all of that to settle.

Over the last week there have been some really beautiful things that I have heard – in the Warriors Journey and in other places too, that have inspired this blog.

I was listening to a webinar earlier in the week and heard someone talk beautifully about what faith and trust are. This is what I heard.

We are really good at making our happiness reliant on time and preference. For example, we often say things like “I will be OK when…… “ we name a time and describe what life looks like when we are OK.
Or “there will be calm after the storm” as though we cannot access peace or happiness during a storm.

Faith is an acceptance of What Is. Faith is a lack of resistance to whatever is happening now. Faith is knowing that we do not have to wait for a future time to be OK or happy. The storm does not have to pass in order to be at peace.

Faith is absolute TRUST that this moment, Now, is perfectly OK.

In the Warriors email today, Deb shared that we do not need permission to ignore any thinking that stops us from experiencing Freedom. Any thought that gets in our way, of being ourselves and doing what makes sense to us in the world, doesn’t have to be given our attention.

I reflected on that over the course of the day and saw a huge amount of hope in that message. I hear so many people – I used to be one of them (I still am some days!) – limiting themselves. Not doing the things they most want to do, not being the person they most want to be because thought tells them they cannot. And they believe it, they live as though that thought is true.

Being able to share these insights with people holds the possibility of freeing someone from their limiting thoughts. It is so hopeful to me to know that just one person seeing through their limited thinking can change all sorts of things.

Hope is knowing that one new thought can change the World!

A line that jumped off the page at me from yesterday’s Warrior email was
“Holding back our happiness for any reason only adds to the suffering in the world”

It can seem like a really good idea, when others appear to be suffering, to contain our happiness. And at times, maybe it is.

I have also seen how when I change, the world around me changes.

When I first started to look into how life really works I found a deeper truth about who I am.
I found out that I am Love. That the more I see Love in me, the more I see it in others. Love comes from me and when I am looking out at the world through the eyes of Love, all I see is Love. When I look out at the world through the eyes of pain, all I see is pain.

Love and happiness (and probably lots of other words too) can be interchangeable. Love is indestructible. When we see the truth of who we are, we cannot contain it. Discovering who we truly are will do more good in the world that any other single act we could think to do.

Love is all that we are and all that everyone else is too