Oh, sorry

I was at the North Devon Show a few weeks ago and a guy bumped into a lady. She apologised…. As she walked away she turned to her partner and said “why did I said sorry when someone bumped into me?” he, and I, at the same time said “because we are British”

Apologising does seem to be a very British thing.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being apologetic and it is quite courteous to apologise at times.

What I wanted to blog about more today was not being apologetic for who you are (I don’t mean go around being rude and then saying “well it’s who I am”…. !)

Each and every one of us is unique (we are also, all, exactly the same, but paradoxes might be a subject for another day…. For today’s purpose we are unique)

We have our own likes, dislike, pet peeves, we adore some people and hate others, we have our mannerisms, our sayings, our sense of humour and many other things that we recognise as our ‘personality’.
We also have our dreams, the things we wish we could do with our lives that we haven’t yet or the challenges we want to overcome. These are the thing that makes us, us.. the things that make me ‘Beccy’

When we truly understand our nature…. That we are spiritual beings having a human experience, that nothing that we do or don’t do, that nothing that we like or don’t like, that nothing we achieve or don’t achieve, can take away from the deeper spiritual part of us…. we are free to be the person we most want to be.
Whatever our dreams maybe, whatever we want to do with our lives that we haven’t yet. Nothing is impossible, because nothing we do or don’t do changes who we are beyond this life, nothing can take away our true spiritual nature.

So, don’t apologise for who you, what your dreams are or even what you haven’t yet done (even if you never do it!) but know that if you have a dream, take a leap of faith and see what comes…. Because even it never comes to what you expect it will, you are still an incredible being, the creative essence of the entire universe in form and no apology is ever needed for that!

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Nothing comes from circumstance

I have just done a 3 minute facebook live video, the first one on my own and in a new group that I have only recently taken over the admin of.
I felt a little bit nervous, and Facebook decided to cut my video out as my internet signal was poor…. I think the video cut off toward the end before I was finished and I am reasonably sure I just rambled a load of nonsense.

I am sharing this as a perfect example of feelings not coming from circumstance.
It looks very much like the facebook live made me nervous. It looks very much like the internet being poor and facebook cutting me off before I am done causes me to feel annoyed.

If you have never read my blog before, you might not be familiar with my view on where my feelings come from. Allow me to expand.

I am 100% certain that 100% of the time my feelings come from the thought I am having in the moment.
Never, ever, my circumstance.

It has been a few years since I first heard this very bold statement….. we live in the feeling of our thinking, always!
At first it kind of makes sense and you can quickly see some obvious places where this is true…. We all have times when we recognise that we feel happy when we are thinking about fun holidays we have been, jokes we have had with friends and so on. We can see we feel upset or angry when we are reflecting on past arguments or jobs we didn’t like. It is easy to see that those feelings are generated when we think of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ times, right?

But then we get to The Big Stuff… people start to challenge the statement when we talk about bigger stuff…..the stuff where it really looks like a person, a job, a situation makes us angry, upset or even happy.

I agree, there are many places where it really looks like the outside circumstance affects how I feel. I completely fall for the thought generated experience all the time. I feel something and I connect it to the outside circumstance and boy is it believable…. And when I do this my thoughts don’t come back with “just kidding, I’m a thought, not truth, feel free to move and experience a different feeling, thanks for playing”  no, no, thought keeps me in its little trap…”I am real, I am true….the feeling you are experiencing is that person/circumstance and they need to change!”

For me, I have found it really useful to look first at the smaller stuff, get curious to see if what I am saying here “we live in the feeling of our thinking” rings true for you. I don’t expect you to blindly believe my wild statement… but see where you can see it for yourself and then get more curious. Where can you see it to be true that you might not have realised before…?
For me this system works 100% of the time, but that is quite a big leap, so start small and see where it goes for you 😊

You know what thought did!

When I was a kid, if I ever said “I think…” my dad used to say to me
“Well, you know what thought did….. you thought your feet were at the end of the bed so you got out to have a look”

This always made me laugh because of course my feet wouldn’t be there.
In more recent years I have seen a different truth in that statement.
When we believe our thinking and live from those beliefs, it is as daft as getting out of bed to find our feet aren’t there anymore.

Thought comes to us, every moment of every day, providing a million different thoughts and their accompanying feelings.

When we believe them to be true and live our lives from those beliefs we limit ourselves and spend our whole life looking for our feet.

When we see through those thoughts, when we realise they are not truth we are unlimited. We have unlimited potential. Our feet…. Now they are out of bed…. Can take anywhere!

Creation

There is a power behind life, something that creates, that is not ‘little’ me.
I have absolutely nothing to do with the sun rising in the morning. There is an intelligence that has set this in motion.

When we start to look around there are so many things that are creating, all day, every day, that we can take no credit for.
If I plant a sunflower seed, and that seed grows it will always grow into a sunflower…. It will never blossom as a marigold or hyacinth or a rose. It is built into the design of the seed to grow into the flower it is – 100% of the time. I have no control over that.

When I plant a seed there is little more work required from me. I might water it, I might ensure it is in a nice sunny spot, but my role ends there. The seed breaks open when it ‘knows’ it is within the right environment – good soil, water, sun, whatever the ingredients are to harvest the seed – I do not do that…..
The seed starts to grow into a small plant that slowly breaks through the soil searching for the sunlight – I do not do that….
The small plant grows leaves and starts to bud, reaching toward sunlight – I do not do that…
The bud blossoms into the exact right flower – I do not do that
The flower even knows exactly when to wilt and die – I do not do that.

There is an intelligence built in that ensures the flower does exactly what it is meant to.

A sperm and egg meet and a baby starts to grow….. a mother may do a number of things to ensure she is as healthy as she can be to carry her child but there are a million things happening as that baby grows and develops that the mother is not consciously doing…..an inbuilt intelligence that takes the sperm and egg and somehow a baby is formed over a process of around 9 months….. We do not do that.

There might be billions of things that are creating every day that we do not do, that are inbuilt and happening without our input but there are also billions of creations that we are a part of. Humans are creative….. we cannot not create. The simplest of things that we do each day, writing an email, making a meal, knitting a blanket, designing a website to some of the bigger things, building the Eiffel tower, the golden gate bridge and the Empire State Building are all creations. These are all evidence of how we cannot not create.

We are creators. It is easier to create than to stop ourselves from creating. We put more energy into stopping our creative flow than working with our creative impulses. Once we align ourselves with creative flow it is almost impossible not to create something!

Balance

Sometime ago I was undertaking a 90 day course which was blowing my socks off (metaphorically, in a good way!) and one of the topics that turned my world upside down (again, metaphorically) was about balance.

We experience life in duality, via opposites. We know it is dark because it has been light. We know the weather is warm because we remember the colder days. We know we feel happy cos we have had moments of sadness.

We often life live in duality too…. Swinging from one experience to another without landing in the middle, the place of balance.

A few examples.
Self-hate vs self-importance. When an individual does not like themselves very much and many unhelpful thoughts are crowding in, behaviour is likely to be harmful. Self-deprecating phrases and hiding themselves away so as not to be seen or get in others way!
Others who are self-important are likely to behave in unkind ways towards others and often to themselves, unknowingly. Perhaps pushing people away under the illusion that they are not as important as themselves.
The place of balance between these two is self-love; understanding who you are and taking care of yourself in a manner that is helpful to you and those around you.

Not caring vs caring too much. I heard someone recently telling a story about how things had changed for them in regards to their relationship with their son.  They used to feel inadequate and as though they never spoke their mind, allowing their son to tread all over them. In a recent situation they had found their voice and spoken out, telling their son what they had seemingly done wrong and how they should treat them better. What occurred to me when I heard this story was that they had gone from caring too much about their son’s reaction toward them to not caring at all and treating their son badly.
It was apparent to me that there was a place of balance in the middle that had been missed.

People pleasing vs people squashing. I have come across people pleasers and people squashers during my lifetime and neither one is a person of balance. When we have thoughts that tell us we lack, and believe those thoughts, we will go all out to fill that lack. For some people this manifests as demanding something from others, squashing another person (or people) in an attempt to fill that gap.
For others it manifests as attempting to appease everyone around us, controlling ourselves and others to ensure that everyone is happy – a clearly fruitless task. Squashing our true self in order that another (or many others) love us and fill the gap we perceive we have.
Again, neither of these places is balance.

When we understand that our experience always comes to us via thought and that we lack nothing, whatever our thoughts may say, there is no self-hate, self-importance, too much caring, lack of care, people pleasing or people squashing required. These behaviours drop away and we find our balance……
A place of self-love, honesty, service to others, a place of knowing that no behaviour, thought, circumstance can change us or needs to change for us to be OK. It is built into the system that we are OK. And the more we look to see where that is true, the more we find our balance….. in a world of seeming duality, there is really only one…..!

Gates & Security

I really admire a good gate…. the humble gate is a clear sign that you cannot pass through here, you are unwelcome. Or, more likely, you need permission.
There are so many different styles, sizes, materials and intentions with gates.
But by far my favourite thing about gates is that, for the most part, they do very little to actually stop anyone getting through – their strength lies, most often, in a psychological barrier.

Most of us, on approach to a gate, will consider whether we should be passing through or not. We will stop and consider our route before going through.
Those on the other side of the gate, those trying to keep you out or steer you in a different direction place much faith in their simple gates to keep you at bay.
But, let’s be honest, if you really want to get through a gate, most of them are pretty accessible.

I am extremely thankful that my security doesn’t come from the gate outside my house (or more recently the very small gates outside my yurt – see picture).

For me, security is built in – we are part of a system that ensures we are secure, even when our thoughts are telling us differently.

Nothing that happens to me, no thought that I have and no thing that is done during my lifetime can take away from the spiritual being that I am.

This gives me the freedom to build my gates (metaphorically, I have never actually built a gate!) if I want to whilst knowing that I am safe with or without gates.

Long live the gate!

Gate

Infinite and finite

Trying to understand and grasp the intelligence behind life using our limited, personal mind is liking trying to point to fire with ice (ridiculous – in case that wasn’t clear!)

Humans are personal beings – we have personal thinking, e.g. we like certain people and certain things etc

The intelligence behind life (God, the system) is impersonal. Like with gravity; gravity always works, always does it’s job regardless of who is around.
An example; an astronaut returns from 6 months in space and during his first meal back on earth, forgetting that gravity is at play, lets go of his fork. Whilst he fully expected his fork to float nearby, gravity – being impersonal – dropped the fork to the table.

If gravity were personal, in this example above, gravity may have seen the need here to be gentle with the astronaut and allow the fork to float on this occasion until his sense of gravity had returned.
If gravity were personal, the things we unknowingly rely on it for would be untrustworthy…. Would we only be able to fly planes at certain times? Would we have to remember to secure items to the ground when gravity was taking the day off?

The Wright brothers did not invent anything new in order to fly – they simply understood all of the factors involved in the impersonal, 100% reliability of the system and worked within that system.

So, we imagine that God (intelligence behind life, the system) should be personal as we cannot fathom an impersonal intelligence using our personal thinking – we experience everything through our personal thinking.

Our finite minds are trying to grasp something infinite….and expecting to be able to make sense of that infinity. When we hear beyond the words and our heart experiences the feeling of infinity we see that we are unable to ‘grasp’ the infinite with the intelligent but instead there is a knowing of the intelligence behind life. The awesome, incredible power that made a system that we can 100% rely upon to keep us on earth …..