Not mine to control

Alongside the Dare2bu emails that I receive every day from Deb, I also get a ‘Heart of life’ thought for the day email. A few days ago, I received one that said this:

Sometimes I forget that I’m not in control of the universe and I wear myself out trying to do a job that’s way above my pay grade.

I am really relieved when I remember to just do what’s mine to do and leave running the universe to whoever has that job covered.  They are doing a way better job than I ever could!

I don’t remember the exact moment that I knew insightfully that it wasn’t my job to control things. I was brought up going to a church, and being taught about God. In many ways, this has stood me in good stead for being open to hearing and seeing what I do now. So, I have probably believed for a very long time that I am not in control of whether the sun comes up in the morning, or whether trees grow etc. But in more recent years I have really seen this more deeply, to a further degree than just the “big things”. The more I check out this idea that I am not in control, the less it looks like I have anything to do… and I don’t mean this in the sense of I can just sit around doing nothing all day (though, who doesn’t love doing that sometimes!).

What I mean is, let me give you an example….

My younger sister got married in May. It was a beautiful day. We all received wedding ‘favours’ on the table in the afternoon. They were bags of seeds, and a donation made to a charity, in memory of two close family members who had died over the last few years and were missed. In their memory we were asked to plant the seeds over the next month or so to grow flowers. I absolutely love gardening but have never grown anything from seed before. I much prefer to buy a flower in bloom so I know what I am getting! This was going to be a first for me.

I read the instructions, planted the seeds as instructed and over the next few weeks I watered them. That was it, that was all that was mine to do…. And now….

It wasn’t mine to work out when the first sprout would come through the soil, or mine to decide how quickly they would grow, or even mine to know what flowers may (or may not) bloom. As you can see from the picture no flowers have bloomed yet. (As an aside, if anyone has any idea what these might be please let me know!) My point here is a simple one…. Since understanding the principles and knowing that I am not in control, all I ever have to do is what is in front of me to…. Plant the seed, or write this blog, or say Hello and smile to a passer-by. It is never mine to control the universe….. Thank God.


Boldly go…

On Day 26, I shared with you two very bold statements that were made
1. I am not responsible for how other people feel and
2. Other people are not responsible for how I feel

I am not sure if I have alluded to these things in my blog before (most likely), but I am fairly sure I have never written them out, clear as day before! Yikes, they are pretty bold claims to make.

I am going to start with a quote and go from there… I have no idea where this might lead!

“All we are is peace, love and wisdom, with the power to create the illusion that we are not” (Jack Pransky)

When we create the illusion we are not peace, love and wisdom, we really believe it. We are such powerful creators that we fall for our own illusion. We do not see through it to who we truly are. An element of that is when we feel something and the illusion has us believe that the feeling is coming from outside of us – from something someone did. It isn’t. Our feelings come 100% from the thoughts we are having in that moment. Thinking comes from the principles of Mind – no-one can make us feel anything, ever. And we cannot make another person feel anything, ever.

It might seem like a difficult one to wrap your head around…. For sure, it really really really looks like that person has annoyed me or this person upset me. That is the illusion. Feelings come from thought in the moment – 100% of the time!

So, there you have it. See what you think, try it out…. Notice when you have a feeling, are you connecting it to something outside of you.

When we come to see that our feelings come from thought in the moment, and knowing that – by its very nature – passes, we can let thought do its thing. A new feeling will be along in a minute. We don’t need to mess with it and we can even get on with what we are doing regardless of what our feelings are telling us (if we want to!).

So, go out and have fun with whatever thought you are enjoying (or not!) in any given moment


In-built system

The last week or two have been a bit odd for me. I have been more up and down than I have since I first came across the principles. A close friend of ours died, I then spent 5 days with aunty Deb, Lucy, Kerry, Fredrik, my mum and a number of other people who are all incredibly awesome and we had so much fun, and then I came back to work and a whole pile of ‘crap’ to do! It is super interesting to me to look back over the two weeks and see that I have been living in the depths of my thoughts; some of those thoughts have been connecting to ‘negative’ feelings and some have been the most beautiful and wonderful feelings.
On Monday, at some point during the day a new thought occurred to me and tons of the ‘negative’ feelings have just spontaneously dropped. What I absolutely love the most about having deeply seen that our experience of life comes from our thoughts, is that when new thought comes I am able to experience a new reality!

In the Dare2bu email on 12th August, Deb mentioned that she was asked how she knows that the principles are true. How do you prove that the principles are what create our experience. Here is my answer:
It aint something you can prove! I realise that sounds like a cop out but, just like being in love, it isn’t something you can prove, it isn’t something that is ‘solid’. It is something you feel, something you know, when you have an insight you just know. And it really is that simple.

I promised to re-visit Day 19, where Deb talked about how it is in built into the system that we are OK. It is fear of not being OK, fearing that we have something to lose, that stops us daring to be ourselves. When we understand that we can never not be OK, we give ourselves permission to go out and be who we are more of the time. Win or lose, fail or succeed, it means nothing about us at all. Apparently the game snakes and ladders is weighted so that if you just keep playing you will always get to the final square. Life is just the same, it is weighted so that if we keep playing we will always be OK.

So, go on, be you – I dare you!

Dare2bu update

To bring us up pretty much back up to date….
Day 22, life doesn’t stop being life; knowing where our feelings come from doesn’t stop things happening that we might wish were different. It simply helps us to find our feet again. We have the in-built ability to find our way back to peace and love, no matter what happens.
Day 23 WEEKEND ADVENTURE! My favourite part of the courses that Deb does are the weekend adventures. And a favourite adventure of mine is RAOK – random acts of kindness. This time round we had an easy one handed to us on a plate… some friends of ours were going away on holiday so it seemed a perfect time to give them some spending money 😊. Another lovely friend did all the driving for us to visit Deb for the weekend – so it was great to say thanks with some surprise flowers delivered to her doorstep! Other ideas are floating around my mind for the coming days…!
Day 24 – giving a gift to another might not seem like to big of a thing, but how about receive a gift, or even a compliment? This can be challenging! So a further element to the challenge was to be accepting of any gifts or compliments that came our way… harder than it sounds…!
Day 25 Following what was an emotional rollercoaster of a week for Lucy, me, Deb and our friends, we had a lovely time together on Sunday evening before coming home on Monday. In Debs Monday email she reminded us of our completeness – over the 5 days we were with her I had gotten into some thinking about not being complete without things being a certain way – fortunately for me Deb was on hand to remind me I was! And she had promised to continue to remind me…. Which she did…. We lack nothing, we are made from the creative essence that the entire universe if made from….how could I be anything except complete?
Day 26 – two very bold statements that were made earlier in the course:
1. I am not responsible for how other people feel and
2. Other people are not responsible for how I feel. These two statements are huge! So I am going to give them the due they deserve and come back to them in another blog.
Day 27 came with a message that I absolutely love; All the answers we will ever need always come from within. I remember when I first knew this, insightfully, it changed things for me! We so desperately look outside of ourselves to find the answers, when all along they are inside of us!
Day 28 reminded us that our experience is created from the inside out. You might have picked up that I say this kind of thing a lot…. Sit with it, its huge! Inside is the power behind life, the creative energy of the universe. Outside is circumstances, the form that we have created from the inside…. I have gotten a bit lost as to what day I am on so I am just going to share whatever comes from the emails, without a day label!


Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it seems to fly by (like at the weekends!) and other times it seems that it is only minutes that have passed when in fact hours/days have disappeared. Well, more days have passed than I care to admit since I shared what is happening in the Dare2bu course! So, here goes a little update:

Day 14 was all about when things don’t go to plan – or at least our plan – and how our OK-ness does not depend on things being the way we had designed them in our minds. In fact, many times things go a different way for very good reason.
Day 15, Deb talked about how sometimes we can feel miserable when nothing particularly bad has happened – nothing that we can attach our feelings to in the outside world. We can get quite stuck when we look for a reason, in the outside world, as to why we feel a certain way. It means we will need things to be a certain way to feel OK if we believe our feelings come from circumstances. Understanding that our feelings come from our thoughts, and only ever our thoughts, it saves us a lot of heartache. New thought is always available and new thought brings a new reality.
Day 16 reminded us that we always have peace – it is our very foundation!
Day 17’s email was a reminder of what Dare2bu is all about – it is Debs way of sharing the principles that have changed her life. Truly daring to be yourself is when you know that you are already all of the things you want to be – love, trust, peace etc. Learning to understand who you truly are allows you to play full out in life without ever losing the essence of who you really are. I cant wait to hear more of this at the event in October 😊 Day 18 I was reminded how awesome I am – yep, that’s right, I am awesome (and so are you, whoever you are reading this! True story!)
Day 19 was all about how it is built into the system that we are OK – I want to talk about this more in another blog so I wont say much today Deb is due to do a skydive on 10th Sept – she is very scared of heights!
In Day 20s email she talked about how she can be OK with not being OK. Understanding that our feelings come from our thoughts means that we can still go ahead and do something even when our thinking is going crazy about it. The only thing scaring her is thought in the moment – to the best of my knowledge there are no aeroplanes in Debs house and yet just talking about the skydive can bring her out in a cold sweat – it clearly isn’t the aeroplane or the height that is causing this.
The only thing I am going to share from Day 21 is this: 100% of our feelings come 100% of the time from the thinking we are having And that is where I am going to leave D2BU for today. Still lots more to share and I will do my best to write some more in the next few days 😊

I have updated my Eternal To do list as I have crossed a few more items off in the last few weeks – been on the back of a motorbike (thanks Iona!), visited a Lavendar farm and been strawberry picking.

The lavender farm was beautiful – in the Cotswolds – I had no idea there were so many variations of Lavendar, such different shades of purple and even a white one! We (Andrew and I) even had lavender shortbread in the café afterwards. Yum!

Strawberry picking – which really became fruit picking – was earlier in July, when our lovely friend Emma came to visit with her 8 year old daughter. It seemed like a good way to entertain a child – well it certainly entertained us all! There were blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, gooseberries and of course strawberries. I made a delicious blackberry and raspberry crumble with some of my haul. Again, yum!

Last week, whilst we were visiting Deb, our friend Iona was with us and she asked me if I wanted to go on the back of her bike for a little ride…. YES! She drove me down to Hartland Quay. It was a lovely ride – not too fast, as I might have fallen off, but just perfect with the wind in my hair (well not literally cos my hair was inside a helmet – safety first!) and the beautiful scenery flying by. Thanks Iona!

Shit happens

Shit happens – some days you hear something, see something and it just isn’t something you want. I don’t know why this is the case, or how this fits into the grand scheme of the universe plan. What I do know is that I am so incredibly blessed to know what I know, to understand where my feelings come from moment to moment. And to be absolutely firm in my believe that a new thought can come along at any moment and change my experience.

Last Wednesday, Lu and I went to Devon, with our friends Kerry and Fredrik to visit aunty Deb. We were almost there when the car started juddering, so we pulled over on to the side of the road. Within moments a car had pulled up to check we were OK – people never fail to surprise me with their kindness😊 and amusingly it turned out to be our cousins in-laws! We had a truly lovely weekend – amazing moments of peaceful insights and crazy moments of dancing around the kitchen island, lots of lovely walks and tons of cake! We talked lots about how life is weighted in our favour and nothing we do in this life can take away from who we truly are.

As mentioned in my previous blog I did not take my straightners to Debs, and I (mostly) felt OK with crazy hair …


On an ETDL note, the lovely Iona made one of my dreams come true and took me for a ride on the back of her motorbike!


Last weekend, when Andrew and I were in the Cotswolds, we visited a Lavender farm so a few more items ticked off…. Cracking 😊

I need to update you all on the last 14 days of Dare2bu…. That will be later in the week now!



Challenge accepted

One of my favourite American comedy shows is a programme called How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM). There is a character in HIMYM – Barney – who, during conversations with his friends, regularly uses the phrase “challenge accepted” – usually when his friends are talking about something they don’t think he can do! So, in honour of Barney and in response to Deb’s weekend challenge, I have decided I will not be taking my straightners next week when I visit Deb and I will trust that my hair will be as it is meant to be (look out for some interesting pics!).

I recognise that for many people the not-straightening hair thing is probably quite minor, but genuinely for me it is quite a big (scary, real) thing! So…. Challenge accepted!

Day 11 of D2BU Deb talked about how we are not our thoughts or habits, we are more than that and we cannot be damaged by the things that happen to us. THIS IS HUGE. It really looks like things that happen to us or around us can change who we are. They cant! It’s a lot to take in, I know, but try it on for size….

On Day 12, Jemma Lee joined the D2BU team. Jemma is one of the loveliest, awesomest Brummies I have ever met! 😃 We had a nice long PDF to read about the principles, how they are absolutes – like gravity with no exceptions, ever! The more we understand, and see, the principles the easier it is to see where we, or others, are caught in thought and that our experience is only ever coming from innocently believing those thoughts. When we can see that but for our thinking, we are absolutely OK, it allows new thought to come along. Thinking changes – the very nature of thinking is that it passes. All of our behaviour comes from Mind + Thought + consciousness + Our level of understanding in the moment. The only part of that equation that is ours to do anything with is our level of understanding.

On Day 13 we looked at our in-built resilience. We all have resilience. We all have challenging times in our lives – there is no-one who can say their life has been a bed of roses, but equally we all have access to in-built resilience and wisdom that can guide us back to wellbeing. Our innocent misuse of thought tricks us to believe that we need to live in the pain of those challenging times far longer than we need to. This natural and most ordinary of things – our innate resilience – is what the principles make visible for us, so when we find our world being rocked, we know we can find our bearings again.

Another hair pic for you (in love with my niece, so really just an excuse to share her pic!):